Support for a friend

phew here goes

I don't pretend to be an expert on this stuff so I'll share some of what has happened to me

Matt & I split up last year while we were in australia. I was halfway around the world without any friends or family anywhere near me, the longest I'd traveled alone was the odd week or so, and I hadn't really been single for very long for 6&1/2 years. I was terrified. I was in massive denial & thought Matt & I would sort things out, after a while apart, I was CONVINCED he was "the one" even though we were so different & argued constantly, looking back I was just so scared of the unknown. And terrified I'd never find anyone I'd want to be with so much. I went into a cycle of overeating & binge drinking, which were just me trying to cope, but I made some really good friends who really helped me & helped build my confidence that this feeling wouldn't last forever. I flirted with lots of unsuitable (and very young!) guys, & whilst I felt like a slapper that helped build my confidence that other people would find me attractive

Don't regret anything, you both made the right decisions at the time during your relationship, so don't regret doing or not doing anything or look back upon it as wasted time, just because it didn't work out. Honour & appreciate the time you had together while you come to the realisation that it's over now. Most people spend so long looking at the door that's just closed they don't notice the one that's just opened.

Right now you're in a highly emotional state, as you should be, if you weren't it wouldn't honour the beautiful time that you guys spent together. There will be plenty more beautiful times in your life. Plenty! Every time your mind tells you "I won't be doing this with X again" try repeating the mantra - "not helpful!" to help the painful thoughts ease. The book title "It's called a breakup because it was broken" spoke volumes to be, although I never actually read the book!

Grieve your relationship. Accept all the emotions you are feeling, they're completely natural. The brilliant thing is that going through this kind of pain brings out real creativity in us all, so channel it into something like writing, painting, drawing or music, it'll help release it. And try not to channel any negativity at X, as no matter what went on he'll be really hurting now too, even if he's not showing it.

Keep yourself busy, talk about it all, laugh as much as you can, even if it's through the tears. Things will get easier, day by day, this experience will make you a lot stronger & you will find an inner strength that you didn't realise you had. One day you'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore, and whilst it will take time to get to this point it will come sooner than you think

Now is the best time to get to know yourself, what YOU enjoy doing, how you like to spend you time, what floats your boat & where you want to take your life. There are so many advantages to being single so embrace them all, because it won't last forever

Look after no 1 because you deserve it. And don't forget how special no 1 is. I love you loads mate, and so do a lot of people xxxxx

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I just sat & wrote this to a friend whilst I was sitting at my desk "supposed" to be sitting writing my book, but struggling. Struggling with direction, content, the whole 9 yards. And yet this flowed so easily. This is the kind of writing I do best, empathy I guess. It still doesn't help me with direction, but there's a realization in there somewhere that I haven't fully understood yet & some direction too. Any pointers gratefully received!