Wasting Time

The aforementioned caveat applies to this article so please read carefully: I'm about to use the word church. I know! It's a bit of a dirty word these days, unless you're going in to peer at the stained glass, guidebook in hand, with purely secular intentions. But yes I have started going to church on a fairly regular basis. I'm not about to become a god-botherer - don't worry - (I'm not even sure if I believe in "God") but I'm enjoying dedicating a bit of quiet time to my spirituality recently, plus I find all the ritual fascinating to observe. And for the record the sermons tend to be inspiring. I find once you cut away the power bullshit & ritual all of the great religions* are inspiring. So here goes.

I was in church a couple of weeks ago & the dude (sorry, I'm shit with the official terminology, but if he's in the job for the right reasons he won't mind) delivering the sermon said sometimes music says things a lot better than we ever can. Well this subject is something that's been on my mind for a while, and I've been thinking about just how to write about it. Then I had my iTunes on random earlier & this song was playing. And Mr Jack Johnson puts it much more poetically than I could. (Listen to the chorus especially)

watch & listen to this lovely song. click me! ;-D

*Scientology does not count as a great religion no matter how many celebrities are brainwashed into it. I'm on record a number of times saying these guys are money-grabbing nutters & I stand by my views on this ;-D

I just received this message....

Hey Ruth, how's it going?! I was in Boston last week on business. Went in to town on Saturday and checked out some music festival that was going on and it turned out to be a weed festival! at 1620 (right as we got there) weed was decrimilised in Boston. There was a big countdown and eveyone went mad! The organisers threw bags of weed in to the crowd and got everyone to skin up and smoke in front of the cops LOL. High times magazine appeared and started taking loads of pics of ppl, so I ended up going there on business but might be in high times magazine! lol

how funny!

Update time! This week! There's a lot of love in the room...

This has been an incredible week. I think nearly all the weeks of my life during the last few years can be classified in that bracket because I'm determined to live for every second, but this one has been no exception :-D Here are some of the things I've been up to. Friday:

Ruth Harvey
September 13 at 8:58am

I went to a poetry open mic night here in Harlem last night.

I was pretty much the only white person there, and with my english accent i must've looked like teh poshest person in the ghetto

they were super lovely, made me do a piece and i got hugs & big-ups, even though i've never shaken so much in my life

there were people mcing about coming off heroin, being raped by their 65 year old grandfather repeatedly as a child, losing friends to drugs etc, really fucking humbling & made me realise how fucking lucky we are

and the whole time i kept thinking 'i wish leah was here, she'd be LOVING this"

so steal over on a boat or plane, or sell a kidney or hijack a hot air balloon, next one's on the 28th

otherwise see you in Brizzle soon

Big love to you, Rich & my pink plate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Leah Marks
September 15 at 2:27pm

I'm so proud of you, you marvellous bouncing tripfest of a friend!

Wow!

I'm uttely speechless at how cool that is. Fuck me. Blimey.

I wish I'd been there. Gosh.

I've still got your freakin shoes, by the way.

x x x x x x

On Saturday I had arranged to meet up with Lauren for the first time - the girlfriend of my friend John that died. I was expecting a sombre day of laying flowers on his grave, tears & talking about memories of times we'd spent with him. Little did I expect us to get on famously, spend the day laughing to the point of hysterics, having some very inappropriate conversations about someone who'd recently 'passed on' (think SATC) & becoming firm friends. It was so much fun, and I love that after he died she found out what a player he was. We laughed heartily about how all the women came crawling out of the woodwork at the funeral & how he must've been looking down going "holy shit, I'm so glad I'm not there for this one!". Knowing John he would've been saying that too ;-D The day culminated with me missing my train so Lauren's friend Chris drove us back to Harlem in style - in his awesome car styled up as the General Lee, off of the Dukes of Hazard. The irony was not lost on us, but luckily it was lost on the people of Harlem & we got back safely. Phew. I think the biggest laugh of the night was Chris describing himself as "Robojew - you know- half man half jew". I think I had tears running down my face at that point!

Other highlights of the week include me starting my college course in all things Jungian, which was even more incredible than I expected. I've mentioned to a few people that the number 32 - my lucky number - is reoccuring with such regularity right now I can't ignore it. I've tried to even actively look for other numbers to try & prove it's not happening, but it is. Jung wrote a lot - and effectively proved - that symbolism & synchronicity like this is our subconscious sending messages to our conscious. I discussed the meaning with the teacher & she helped me discover what it is telling me. 32 is the number of the house I grew up in. The last time - before my "awakening" thing last year - that I'd been truly happy & felt at home. It's a massive sign that not only am I back on the right path again but I'm meant to be here in New York. Wow. My intuition had been telling me this already, but what an amazing confirmation. I'm looking forward to learning a lot more about Jung. What a dude.

I've been proposed to a couple of times by our plumber. He's a very sweet, old local guy, who's even tried to show me his house to convince me: "it's next to the church AND opposite the park!". Bless him. It's like he even gets me ;-D My friend Talib was even trying to persuade me saying "he's just a bit lonely" & obviously it would sort out the visa issue. Not sure where I stand on marriage, but if I am going to do it I'm going to hold out for true love & not go for the greencard approach. Although come back & recheck my principles again in 6 months when I can't afford a return flight back to Europe to renew my visa...!

It's been a bit of a dark week in places too, I've become pretty insecure a few times, especially when tired & stressed. It's a good sign of my general state of mind that even when I'm in an absolute state I always know it's temporary & sleep/exercise/food will bring me back to normal. But a big shout out to two of my closest friends Ferny L & Mr Maginness for receiving some angst ridden material from me, and knowing that I'm fine but being legendary friends too. I love you both dearly.

I've been making some new collage art, to be displayed at the pad here. Talib has even asked me if I want to set up a store here to sell some, but I'm really not ready for that yet! I'd forgotten how painstaking collage work is, but it's one of my favourite mediums (apart from writing, naturally!)

I posted my 9/11 piece on Facebook & emailed it to a few people too. I had some cracking feedback, with a lot of people in tears, but most critically for me both my parents loved it. I have a troubled relationship at the best of times with my family, but to receive that kind of feedback from both of them astounded me. My Mum even told me she's really proud of me and sent it off to The Times! It's probably just biased maternal pride but that pretty much floored me. And my heart sung with happiness to know my Mum is proud of me. Despite some difficult times I love all of my family very much.

Last night I had big plans. We were going to a Burlesque party dressed as 1940s style pinup girls, then I was on the guestlist for Degenerates at the Hiro Ballroom - always an incredible night. Plus God (aka Moby) was djing. I ended up going around to Caitlin & Blake's, and getting absolutely wasted with them & their intriguing friend Merin & not going out at all. And it was ace! We talked about some big topics, generally put the world to rights, but a good one for the three of us ladies was talking about guys who just think with their penises, and how disappointing it is when you think you've met someone you connect with and then it becomes clear they are just after a trophy after all. Since I've started going into altered states during meditation now (The Kentage & Matty C - I need to discuss this with both of you!) & I find it takes any mood-enhancing experiences (such as alcohol, hyperactivity) to an even more intense level & last night was quite trippy. My US phone will not send texts to international phones so apologies to Sean for getting the brunt of my text action as he also has a US phone. Although you did seem amused by me telling you I was "alterated" - haha!

Fall has arrived in a big way - the evenings are getting a lot colder & there's a beautiful chill in the air that is Mr Winter breathing his iciness at us from a distance. As I left the UK in July, not expecting to leap & the net to actually appear (which it totally did - and then some) I packed for a New York pavement-melting summer. My flirty dresses, little skirts & tank tops, whilst looking great are really not cutting the mustard warmth-wise! So I went out in search of some cozier garments the other day. A you may well realise my budget is now smaller than a teeny thing plus I embrace the freegan lifestyle (Sandra & I found *actual saucepans* in the street the other day - we nearly cried with the excitement!) so I headed to the local thrift stores. I would've made do with some nasty old hoodies & mangy jeans to hang out at the hostel in. But oh no. This is New York City, and even in the grubbiest Salvation Army store in the roughest part of Harlem (oh yes, I'm now hardcore) there were gems to be unearthed. I managed to get a Gap sweatshirt, a slinky black DKNY jumper & some paperdenim&cloth jeans that fit me LIKE A GLOVE, all for less than $18. That's 9 of your english pounds!!!! To say I was ecstatic is an understatement! I'm not a label person, but to know these new threads are not only a bargain & stylish but well-made too makes me very happy. So I'm now warm(er) and my money went to a charity, rather than a sweatshop. It's literally all good in the hood ;-D

I've also rekindled my love for smail mail. My new friend Myles (I'll write about him another time) has sent me some gorgeous pieces, and I am now making a daily pilgrimage to the post office. There are some sick things heading to a few of you as & when I see appropriate things. Get excited!

One of my bestest friends Rebecca has moved house & is now living by herself in Brizzle. She's recently separated from her husband and her unstoppable strength is breathtakingly admirable. The crazy thing is she can't even see how strong she's being. Despite a few (very minor) household scrapes (burns, cuts & the like!) she sounds like she's doing well, and her & Sian have a date with a certain Mr P Grigio tonight. Good girls, I'm there in spirit!

I finally heard from CK Magic too, some of you may know he's recently got a new girlfriend, and we ALL get sucked into a blackhole for a while when we start going out with someone that rocks our socks. He's fine, being going through a bit of a change curve lately. I think the fact his lovely lady is so fabulous to him has made him comes to terms with the fact he is a legend, I think we underestimate how much easier it is to dislike ourselves than like ourselves. He's one of my dearest friends - I'm proud of you big fella, and I love you xx

Oh and Tony Hill, ace photographer, all round legend & pretend internet friend has announced he's coming to visit NEXT WEEK! I'm very excited. Suddenly a weekend of ace plans has gone up a few notches, which I didn't realise was possible! There will be a lot of fun to be had, and some sick photography taken. To say I'm looking forward to it is like saying Hitler was a little bit naughty. It's going to be weird to talk in the flesh though as our friendship so far has taken on the very digital form of swapping lots of emails & text messages. I think we last spoke (although the jury is out even on that!) in 95. Shit, that was a long time ago!

So folks, that was my week. Just another awesome week in an awesome life. I have even more excitement planned for next week. I definitely do need to start writing my memoirs - Sophie was right when she said my life is like a film. Mi gusta la vida!

xxxxxx

Yesterday

(12/09/08)

I woke up early. It felt like just another day, but a day in which things would be different. I said a prayer for all those that would need help today, it's a day where old wounds are re-opened yet more people are conscious today than ever. I went for a run, running because it feels good, it wakes me up, and I know on a day like today I need to feel my strength. The mood in Harlem is one of business as usual. Children chattering in Spanish, the neighbourhood men admiring the passing ladies, and queuing to buy corn on the cob from a street vendor for breakfast. And yet 30 minutes later, when I emerge from the 6 train in the heart of the Financial District the mood has completely changed. You can feel it.

New York City has been likened to the Rome of the 21st century - the centre of the world, and nowhere is more cut throat & competitive in this hub than Wall Street. People literally & metaphorically trampling all over each other to get to where they want to be, but this morning is different. The mood is sombre, the streets are cordoned off, there's very little room on the sidewalk. The trademark jostling & rudeness are suspicious in their absence. A couple of teenage girls start to make a fuss, that they're going to be late for class & how ridiculous that they can't use their normal route, and suddenly the tough New Yorker faces are back, albeit briefly, how DARE these girls say that. Don't they realise what the date is?

I get to an intersection & ask a woman in uniform about where I need to go and she asks me such a simple question, but a question that brings the reality of the situation crashing home: "Am I family?". "No" I mumble, bowing my head "just here to pay my respects" & she points me off in the direction I need to go in, whilst a few beautifully dignified people slip under the cordon, a rose or an understated photograph in their hands, and I know they've answered "Yes" to that question. I know no matter what I've been though or will go through in my life, I will never know how those people who answered that question differently to me will be feeling.

At 8.46 the church bells start tolling, and the crowd falls silent. We're all remembering where we were, those images we all saw, and we can see the gap in the world where all that pain occurred, and yet it still doesn't feel real. Barack Obama & John McCain appear together, a gesture of solidarity & respect, and yet very few people are gawping to look, it doesn't feel appropriate, and we all file away in different directions. There are snipers on the rooftops, which feels very surreal to me, and then it dawns - these images are real, I'm not watching a film. This would be a terrorist's dream to assassinate the two presidential candidates on the 7th anniversary. A feeling of sickness starts to pervade my body. And yet whenever I'm feeling disheartened by the world, events always conspire to give me hope, and this day is no exception.

I walk through a plaza where religions of all denominations are handing out paraphernalia - all promoting peace & tolerance in these difficult times. Amid the throng one petite lady stands out. She is standing silently, head bowed & the sign next to her indicates her intention. She is bowing for peace. Bowing in public to acknowledge the inherent impulse within us all to hurt each other, and how with respect & self-discipline we can rise above this & achieve peace. Her message - so powerful and yet so simple in delivery, is crystal clear. As she raises her head slightly I make eye contact with her & mouth "thank you". Both of our eyes fill with tears & I know at that point we have changed each other's lives ever so slightly.

The rest of the daylight hours I fill with visiting churches & monuments to somehow try to understand some of what had happened for myself. The spirit & resilience that empowers this great city seems stronger than ever, and the clear message behind it all is that the terrorists have achieved the exact opposite of their goal, they have united, not divided the people.

As daylight begins to fade I make my way to the Hudson River. The waterline seems higher than ever, and I feel like I have filled it myself with all the tears I have shed. The New York Buddhist Church have organised a floating lantern ceremony in commemoration & as we paint our lanterns & attempt some pidgin-Japanese a wind of peace seems to blow across the water. I chat away to a retired New Yorker who tells me all about his personal experience of Fall 2001. We discuss everything from where to get a good cup of tea to photographic filters, united in our feeling of love for this strange & unique city. The multi-faith service is just what was needed & after a young girl in a head-scarf reads a Muslim prayer about peace we all clap loudly, showing her that we're not all naive, and we don't all believe the media stereotyping, scapegoating her religion for the atrocities of a few misguided souls.

The lanterns are released out into the water as darkness falls. Two beams of beautiful light shine into the air from Ground Zero. Those towers may not be physically there any longer, but in our hearts they're stronger than ever. I stroll gently through the streets uptown to see the Empire State Building lit patriotically in Red White & Blue, before collapsing exhaustedly onto the subway home, forever a changed person after this day.

I guess...

if i had to have some kind of mission statement (if you will) for my writing most of it would come under this:

Our human condition makes us tend to share only the best of ourselves, because we are always searching for love & approval...beneath the surface lies the unknown, the darkness, the incessant search for self" - this blog is an attempt to share the dark as well as the light, it is only through bringing light into the darkness that people realise they aren't alone in there.

the rest is purely an attempt to make you laugh ;-D

Making New Friends

In this post the quote I used suggested if you want to meet new people you just need to say hi. I'm a bit famous for just "befriending randoms" so it usually comes as no surprise to people who've seen me in action before as I guess I'm one of life's networkers, but I just think "what's the worst that can happen?!"

So I went to meet two friends at the Metropolitan Museum for drinks on Friday night, and just before the lift doors close a lady walks in with a lovely bouquet & I decide to let her know that I really like her flowers. Not only does she give me a red rose to take with me, but we got on really well, our two groups mingled a little & we may be meeting up for coffee soon. She owns her own company on Wall Street. Wow. I guess you'll never know how cool the strangers are around you unless you find out :-D

My Theology 101

Spirituality & Theology are topics that have interested me for quite some time now. Whilst I don't - and don't plan to - subscribe to any one religion I think a lot can be learned from them all.

I attended a Church of England primary school, and whilst I learned a great deal, and still have a love for some of the bible stories, particularly the nativity, I have a big issue with using the work 'God' to describe the higher power that I think I believe in. I guess it's just the connotations of a white-bearded man that doesn't quite cut the mustard for me. And the idea of "god-botherers" and "bible-bashers". This is a massive sweeping generalisation but I guess there aren't too many people out there really who give religion a good name when it comes down to it.

However at secondary school I was pretty intrigued with Judaism & Buddhism, and used to bother our lovely Religious Education teacher Mr Gent with loads of questions. He informed me that I couldn't "just become" a jew, but he did sort out a visit to a Buddhist temple for my best friend & I (which I found hugely disappointing as it was just a house in Shirley, and the people there weren't even advocating vegetarianism they banged on about the wheel & the steps, which at our young age were HUGELY confusing!)

Not deterred on my one-woman mission a few years later I found myself investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (or Mormons as you may know them), quite possibly because the elders they sent around to my house to talk to me were fit. Hey, I'm a marketing & sales girl at heart, if you send the fit charismatic ones around people will always listen harder! Needless to say once I got down to the details of some of their views (let's just say they have an interesting take on homosexuality for one) we soon parted company. Oh, and they marry them off young, so I had a lucky escape ;-D

For the last couple of years I have been really interested in the New Age theories, and they seem to resonate most strongly with me as the truth, from my personal experience as well as the theory. They can get a bad name from too many lentil eating tie-dye wearers at festivals drugged up to their eyeballs spouting on about how "the universe can save itself" but as I said before there will always be people who give these things a bad name. However, when it comes down to it though a lot of our very finest minds, like Einstein, Da Vinci & Jung were New Agers.

A quote that really resonates with me is: "Like the bee gathering honey from different flowers, the wise man accepts the essence of different scriptures and sees only the good in all religions" - Srimad Bhagavatam. I like that.

As I've previously mentioned in August I stayed in a Zen Buddhist temple for 2 weeks. It was an interesting experience, and whilst I didn't agree with a lot of the ritual, I learned a lot about meditation, living consciously & humility. Which I've definitely transferred across into my 'real world'

So today is the start of Ramadan. This is the Islamic month of fasting, in which Muslims abstain from eating, drinking & sensual pleasures from sunrise until sunset. There are a whole host of other things that are banned such as being disrespectful, cruel & selfish, in order to promote a physical & spiritual purification. They are also encouraged to read the whole of the Qur'an during this month and donate to worthy causes. The benefits of this process are seen as increased compassion for the necessities of life, self-purification, reflection & increased focus on spirituality. So I have decided to also observe this fast myself. I have made a couple of adjustments though, I will be drinking water & herbal teas throughout the daylight hours as I'm working in a hot city & think purposely dehydrating myself is a bad move, and I may well drink alcohol a few times after the sun has set, but apart from that I'm going to go for it! It's currently 4.34pm & I'm shocked that I'm not even hungry yet, but generally when I fast my body knows I'm on it's side :-D I may even give the Qur'an a bash. Why not? Wish me luck!!!