One of my friends, John, killed himself last Thursday.
I knew all day my friend Dominic was trying to get hold of me, and I just knew in my heart John was dead.
He was brilliant, funny, intelligent, talented, self-deprecating & had a huge heart.
We used to talk for hours about philosophy, psychology & spirituality in little bars in the East Village.
The last time I saw him he introduced me to his new girlfriend Jen & the two of them seemed so lovely together. He'd taken her for lunch in his favourite chocolate restaurant earlier in the day, and after we shared some beers brewed by trappist monks we went off for fries at a dive joint, we laughed & laughed, and when I walked them back to Penn station I had no idea it would be the last time I would see him.
He was such a great man, and I feel so sad that he reached such a place of darkness that suicide felt like his only option.
I had an email from him just the day before he died & he was telling me exactly how he was pulling his life together, he sounded in such a good happy place.
But none of us know how low we can get until it happens, and I think he just couldn't pull himself out that one last time.
I can't be at the wake tonight in person, but I'm there in spirit
And in heaven tonight they will be drinking beer, eating chocolate & celebrating the arrival of my beautiful friend John. May he rest in peace.
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