Light & Dark

My Christmas tree has been sitting twinkling in the corner of my living room for over three weeks now, and only yesterday did I learn the history of it. I knew something about Norway & royal gifts, but I didn't quite realise the symbolism of it.

2009 has been a really tough year for me. And I know I'm not alone with that one. The global economic crisis has hit us all hard in the pockets, we have continuing war, genocide & an environmental crisis that is ever more pressing. And yet the world has always been a difficult place to live in, I just think this year I maybe removed my rose-tinted spectacles for the first time in a long time and have started to see things as they really are. Plus some really tough personal situations have also impacted me deeply.

I guess for me once I start noticing the darkness it can be really hard to see the light. Once I start being drawn into the negativity of a situation it can be really hard to see the positives.

But yesterday I was reminded by a friend that there is always a balance of darkness and light. How boring would life be without seasons? How dull would daylight be if we didn't have the night? So true. If we had everlasting life would we ever have the impetus to do anything? Balance is always needed. We need the dark times to enjoy the light times, the snow to enjoy the sunshine. Contrast is vital. I think I needed 2009 to be difficult to show me how lucky I had been in previous years, and to be inspired to take 2010 and make it a great year.

So back to that Christmas tree. The pagans celebrated the shortest day of the year, December 21st, and marked the occasion with an evergreen tree to represent eternal life and the continuous cycle of nature. Fruit was hung on the branches to represent the plentiful food to come. Candles were lit to symbolize the warmth and brightness of the sun. A reminder that although food was scarce & darkness was all around, things would soon change.

My tree is now inspiring me afresh, and reminding me that darkness is always present in the lightest of times, light is always present in the darkest of times. Actually it's in the darkest of times that our own lights can shine the brightest. And as the fabulous Lauryn Hill once sang "After winter must come spring". It's part of the human experience to experience sadness as well as happiness, and how beautiful to have these reminders to help us remember that like nature it's all just a cycle. No matter how dark things get, the light will return.

This afternoon's lesson

There once was a little girl who was terrified of nothing. She loved nothing more than playing in the garden with all manner of creepy crawlies & every day felt like an adventure.

The little girl eventually got older & she learned all manner of grown up things. Things like social ettiquette, how things work & about this strange token system called money. Gradually the girl put away all of her toys, and with it she stopped all of the babyish things she had enjoyed like writing stories & drawing pictures.

The grown up world was a very strange place. It seemed so strange that adults would make themselves so unhappy in order to get more of this money stuff, but the older she got the more like all the other grown ups she became. She too made herself unhappy for money.

She became very very sad and didn't know why, the more she tried to work out this puzzle the harder it seemed. One lonely afternoon she went to see a friend of hers, a magical fairy who lived in a beautiful castle in a far off land. The fairy sprinkled her dust on the girl while she talked to her soothingly. She reminded her that she was still the same little girl, and although she lives in a grown up world she can still do the things she loved all those years ago.

The girl was shocked at first & then realised she'd stopped doing those things because she was scared she wasn't very good at them. She then realised that the little girl would think it was "silly" to be scared - after all who cares if your stories are rubbish or brilliant - isn't it writing the stories that's the fun bit?

Mr Lynch I salute you

Recently I've been watching a lot of Twin Peaks. I'm hooked. I've found myself thinking "this is the TV show I've always wanted to watch & didn't realise it existed!". If you're aware of David Lynch's views on synchronicity, spirituality etc it's even better, some of the lines really resonate. He also got the two living Beatles to perform together last night, with Moby, in the greatest city in the world to promote & raise funds for Transcendental Meditation for at risk school kids. 

The man is a lej!

Life always gives you a dig in the ribs when you most need it

This morning I have already worried about: whether I get enough sleep, how to lose weight, whether I shower enough, whether I should give up drinking to improve my painful eczema, if I'm a slob because my house always seems untidy, my constant battle with wanting to overeat, my lack of desire to exercise, whether I'm good enough at my job, my lack of free time. Considering I only got out of bed 4 hours ago that's quite a big list.

And then 30 minutes ago my boyfriend came home & told me his Dad's been rushed into hospital with heart problems. We don't know any more than that. It's easy to read all these books about perspective, and not listening to the ego chatter but sometimes it takes a big shock to put everything to one side that doesn't matter & actually see what's important to you, and what really is irrelevant.

There's a quote on the side of my water bottle that says "That which matters the most should never give way to that which matters the least" and I'll certainly be paying more attention to it from now on.